I don't by any means think that 30 is old, not by a loooonnng shot. So it's not that. In fact, in alot of ways it seems like 30 is when you finally feel like a real grown-up. But it's strange how decade birthdays loom out there, isn't it? I mean, I'm only one day older than I was yesterday, but for some reason it sounds ten years older.
My twenties were very transitional, all the way through. From college, into marriage, through various job changes for my husband, to becoming a mother, through financially trying times, through familial issues, through having back-to-back babies, and then some. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. There were some life highlights in there for sure, and there was also a chunk of time Garfield and I refer to as "the dark years". I hope at the time we didn't let on just how down and out we really felt. But all in all, it was a good decade.
Call me crazy, but I expect my thirties to be far better. I'm not saying we won't have transition or hard times; that's just life. But I do look forward to some wonderful times. Our family is growing and taking shape, and we see the Lord's blessings in abundance through our children. We also see why He squeezed us so hard in order to get Garfield to start this business. We would have never taken the risk if we weren't desperate and had nothing to lose, but in retrospect, it is just where we needed to head. We also have found such joy in our church family after years of searching around in the spiritual desert. I am about as happy right now as I ever remember being.
I'll confess: it feels strange. After years of trial after trial, the calmness leaves me a bit uneasy at times. It's like I'm waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop, I suppose. I look at our life today, which is so markedly different from our life a few years (or even a few months) ago, and I'm incredulous.
So I feel as though I'm teetering on a precipice. Looking back, I see bumpy terrain. There are patches of beautiful oases with sparkling water and lush gardens, and there are expanses of dry and bleak desert. As I wobble, about to let myself fall forward into a new decade of life, I'm really not sure what lies ahead. There's a veil of misty fog keeping it a surprise. But the Lord is good, and His promises are true. So I'm going to fall, and I expect He's prepared the perfect landing place.