I don't know how I've avoided it for so long. (Having to buy a new bathing suit, that is.) Well, actually I do. Last summer I just wore the old one, and the summer before that I wore the cute maternity one. And the summer before THAT I wore the cute maternity one. And the summer before that I wore the one that I probably bought that year. Since I'm not going 3 for 3 on having summer pregnancies, and the elastic on the old one has seen better days, I had to face the music and go shopping for a bathing suit.
Now, I'm not much of a shopper to begin with, but c'mon ladies. Let's all agree that swimsuit shopping has to be slightly less pleasant than snake handling. If the snakes are venomous, then it's slightly more pleasant than snake handling. But just by a tad. You've gone all fall, winter, and spring happily going about your business when BAM! Suddenly you have to uncover your cellulite to the world.
Then there are the other annoyances:
You have to avoid the stores that seem to think that the only women who would possibly want to wear a one-piece a.) are over the age of 80, or b.) weigh more than 450 pounds. Since I don't fit either of those categories, that eliminates quite a few stores.
There are other process of elimination factors:
I don't want to spend a small fortune. That's 20% fewer to choose from.
I won't wear a bikini for modesty reasons. I don't care for prancing around in public in my bra and panties, and bikinis are no different. (Although socially acceptable.) There goes a whopping 70% of my options.
I have birthed three children. That eliminates another 10% of the choices.
I have nursed all three of the aforementioned children. Hence, another 10% of the choices are not flattering.
You math whizzes may have figured out that that equals more than 100%. My point exactly. The number of flattering bathing suits available for frugal, modest young mothers seem to be less than zero.
But alas, I did come home with one, merely to avoid admitting defeat. Besides, that would just mean having to go bathing suit shopping AGAIN, and I have important snakes to attend to, thank you very much!